October 11, 2010 § 3 Comments
I am very grateful to God.
God speaks to all of us, even those who don’t believe in God, in ways that most help us…even if we cannot see that we are being helped. I began this blog because I was confused and scared and hurt…I didn’t understand this “real world” that I had entered upon my college graduation…so I began to write. And the funny part is…when I began this blog, I also knew that somehow I would move past that space in my life…but somewhere in my soul, was a need to document my growth…I knew that someday, someone…somewhere…would need to to read what I was writing and see my growth, my internal struggles and recognize that he or she is not alone in this world. I knew that then as I know now that I am here to motivate other people to be free to create in this life…to give themselves permission to grow.
I am so clear on that…as strange as it may sound to others. And I know that I have been built and created to motivate others on a massive level…not sure why me nor sure why being a mentor or a guidance counselor or a teacher is not enough. Maybe because I have always been pushed to do more? Or maybe it is because of the large platforms from which I have come? Or maybe it is just that calm and yet persistent warm feeling I feel in my chest…on my heart…still nudging me forward and guiding me? There is something that is constantly telling me to play a bigger game…to challenge myself a bit more…to push myself a bit more. Maybe it is how I envisioned myself at about 15 years old…while watching Oprah…feeling my body tingle and knowing I am supposed to do big things in this world?
I hope none of this sounds rude or conceited…I am just writing what I consistently feel…just writing what I feel is on my heart…as I said…I don’t know why me. But I am finally done wondering why me, lol. I am done running from it and I am done pretending that my heart is not trying to communicate with me. I get it now…there is no need for me to run from it. It is just like in The Alchemist…
”…why should I listen to my heart?”
“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
And I think what I get most from this quote, at this very moment, is that listening to one’s heart requires that I learn to trust myself and trust my heart…and trust God. Instead of spending my time questioning “why me?” for any and all of my blessings (regardless of if they look like ‘problems’ at first)…I am accepting that it doesn’t matter if there is an answer or not…all of the online quizzes and incessant questions to my friends cannot help me, lol. I just am accepting it and going with it. That is what I call faith.
Thank you God.