December 13, 2009 § Leave a comment

I have to thank God…because God is good all of the time. All of the time.

I am not perfect nor am I always doing/saying/being the best I can be.

But I acknowledge and love the fact that God is good all of the time.

Here I am this evening, fretting over a boy…wondering what he thinks of me, how I am perceived by Him, etc…and I decide to call up a good guy friend of mine for his advice (this is the beauty of having close male friends by the way…they are great at giving advice when it comes to understanding men, lol). He and I chatted for a bit and we both were able to give each other some pretty good advice. But the best part was that after speaking with my buddy, I realized that I was putting way too much energy into this guy. Not because he may not be deserving of it nor is it because I do not deserve to give my energy to any one particular person…but simply, because I realized I was giving him too much attention because I was operating from a point of fear. I was afraid that if this guy did not respond to me when and in the fashion that I wanted, then it must mean that he doesn’t care or that he is not interested in me. Which speaks to my deeper fear that I am not wanted, lovable, sexy, beautiful, hot, fun, sweet, etc…all of the things I like to think I am. I was making his actions/words/reactions bigger than they actually are by projecting my insecurities onto him, unknowingly. And after speaking to my boy, he reminded me that I just needed to do my own thing and basically take it one day at a time.

Which brings me back to why I am so grateful to God. You see, over these past two years, God has been taking me on a journey into myself, my fears, insecurities, doubts and so much…allowing me to not only deeply experience them but to see them for what they are (which is how this blog even manifested, lol). And I have had to be patient through all of it — there was no way for me to rush my way past any of it or ignore any of it…it always showed up right back in front of me. With that said, I recognized (again but much sooner this time, lol) that I just have to be patient. I cannot rush what it is that I want…I cannot rush into things nor can I assume the worst when something does not go my way. That is not life. Life is just life. Love is just love. And keeping that in the forefront of my mind keeps me grounded in the fact that God would not bring me through any of this if He did not have a purpose for me AND that it is more important to just enjoy the moment, be present and let life be — that is the only way for one to grow anyways. šŸ™‚


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