How small is my world?

February 8, 2009 § Leave a comment

I have been thinking a lot today about how small my world really is sometimes….

One of my roomies is from Tunisia but she spent a lot of time in French as well — so she speaks a lot of languages and most definitely has an international background. Anyways, besides her being really cool, she is also really into music. So this morning as we were making crepes, bacon, and eggs for our other roomie’s bday, she was introducing me to new music.

And she introduced me to Ayo, Nneka, Keziah Jones, and Tete — all African musicians with the first three being from Nigeria and the last being from France. And I was struck by the fact that I had never heard of them in my life. Which made me then think of my experience in Spain during my junior year in high school when my Spanish mother and I would discuss the far-reaching influence of the United States of America. Then, it got me thinking of my experiences in a middle class home in a quiet neighborhood in Queens, four years at a prestigious boarding school in a small town in Connecticut, and then four years at an Ivy League university in a bubble of a college campus — and I thought of how enclosed a bubble I have been brought up in. And then I thought of how I have been kept away from people who have lived harsh, rough lives and who are extremely aggressive if not violent in their approaches to people.

I do not regret this bubble because in this bubble I have learned a lot about so many people from so many walks of life and I have had access to some of the greatest resources and minds across the world during high school and college. But I do wonder sometimes how I walk through life — never having to have been exposed to some of the huge hardships that people go through in the world. I do not know what it feels like to grow up with a constant sense of despair or no one out there who cares about me. I do not know what it feels like to actually be in a fight let alone always being ready to fight. I do not know at all what really goes on outside of the corners of my periphery, so much so that I barely know music from overseas or all of the ‘beef’ that exists amongst various groups of people. And when I think about all of that, I wonder if I am just a really chill girl who loves the rawness of artistic expression mixed in with preppy and materialistic tendencies and a New York swagger.

I wonder if I could be more. I wonder if I could be more international in my scope…more aware of the issues of the world (although I am more aware than some people I work with which is just tragic). I wonder if I could be more available to those I love and who love me instead of just chilling in my own bubble of me-ness. I wonder if I could be so expansive as to touch the edges of the world in my knowledge and understanding of people, culture, beauty, music, and the world. I wonder.

But I guess that all comes along with time and with growth, right?

And you know what?

As long as I maintain my curiousity for this world and all that is in it, the space that I create for myself will continue to expand and contract with what works best for me. Who I am today has worked for me thus far….allowing me to feel fully self-expressed 95% of the time in my life. So I am just keep doing me, whether or not my world is small or large. Cuz quite frankly, the size of my world is only relative. All that really matters is whether or not my world fits me. And right now, it does….

I am just a really chill girl who loves the rawness of artistic expression, has preppy and materialistic tendencies with a New York swagger — keep doing me. I loves it!


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