October 13, 2008 § Leave a comment

It is amazing to me how liberating it is to BE.

For the past year, I have been actively seeking the meaning of life and what everything means and what my life means and what my interactions with people mean and what I am supposed to do with my life and what kind of impact I want to have on people and how I want to be remembered and…..A LOT of running around in circles in my thoughts. A LOT.

So, I signed up for the Landmark Forum in order to help myself stop all of the running around in circles because it was becoming entirely too overwhelming and I figured I needed a kick in the behind to get myself off of the hamster wheel and more committed to my life.

Now, over the course of these three days, I have made some huge steps in my life in getting rid of spaces of inauthenticity in my life. It is truly amazing.

I was able to be honest and open with my parents about resentment and blame that I held towards them for a while now. I am able to see where I have inauthenticities in my relationships with other people and I will acknowledge and apologize for those inauthenticities. That has been liberating and empowering.

However, what has been more liberating and empowering is figuring out what life truly is all about and now having the choice of what life I choose to live. Freeing myself from all of the crap that I have in my past, crap that I used to create stories that allowed me to feel right and justified in my suffering, I have space for creation. I now have more space than I have ever had for creation of WHATEVER I SO CHOOSE.

Amazing concept, is it not? Being able to create whatever I so choose? However, the MOST amazing part of this whole forum is that I FEEL LIGHTER. I literally feel lighter in my body, in my demeanor, in my interaction with the world. I am not worried about what others make think, I am not going to react in a defensive manner to protect myself, and I am open to possibility.

I believe that everyone should do The Landmark Forum – I truly believe this now. I believed that the whole thing was a scam and that the whole thing was a joke. But It is not a scam, it is not a joke, and it is not a cult. It is a 3 day course that alters the way you view things by showing you that you can literaly choose whatever you wish to do in this life. Your past does not define it, other people do not define it, there is no definition — it just is or is not.

All I can say is that I feel lighter, I know that there is no reason for stress anymore, I know I have a choice in whether or not I suffer, and I see the futility of being afraid of expressing myself to people. I live in language and I declare who I am. It is a beautiful thing to recognize that I am not the stories I had created for myself from my past but simply whatever future I create for myself now.

“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill — the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill — you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” – The Matrix

I just finished swallowing the blue pill….I truly do hav such a deeper appreciation for The Matrix now….I truly do. We all always have a choice…always. It is just that most of our lives we are unaware that we have a choice.  🙂

Another quote that speaks to me more deeply now, with a slight alteration to a famous quote by Jack Kerouac:

‘The only people THAT WE NEED TO BE are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.’

We only have one life to live, right? Why spend it boxed in by our pasts, our insecurities, our fears? These entities that seem so real to us only seem real because we continue to speak them into existence….we only exist in language. So why not be unreasonable in the language you use and create a life for yourself where you burn like a fabulous yellow roman candle and explode like spiders across the stars?

Why not embrace BEING and just be?


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