Heartstrings…pulling at my heartstrings…

August 10, 2008 § Leave a comment

So I am in love with Anthony David’s song “Heartstrings“.

You see, sometimes in life, we have people, situations, things that pull on our heartstrings, pull us in a direction that is somewhat scary to us, most definitely unknown, but we know that we have no choice. And not as in we don’t have any other choice to choose from, but that we have no choice because this direction is where we instinctively know that we must go. We must go down this path to grow, to learn a lesson, to stretch and shrink and come out of it a little bit different but closer to who we really are.

I know this because I am being pulled by my heartstrings…and I have given up trying to fight it. I have given up trying to fight it, trying to get around it, trying to keep myself locked away from it. You see, I have a really big heart and I am also quite sensitive…I have always been sensitive, even when I was a kid. But I have a tough outer shell, so it is hard for people sometimes to see the sensitive mush that I really am….lol.

And yet, I am somehow on a path where I have been called to jump into this fire, jump into a situation where my whole being will probably be consumed in emotion, which will probably be very confusing sometimes and also very beautiful. I have been running from this fire for awhile…definitely awhile. I laugh at myself because I always knew that at some point in time, I would end up here. Where is here you might ask? Well, it is a space where my heart can be fully open…and not just open to give but open to receive. The latter part I believe is possibly more powerful, at least for me, than the first part.

I am a giver, always have been. I want to help my friends and my loved ones, hell, I help random strangers. I am a giver, which means I have my heart on my sleeve and I usually have it open to most people. But I have always had an issue receiving help, in any form, from other people. I have always had an issue receiving love from friends, family, and random people. I always have…maybe because once you open yourself up to receive, maybe you open yourself up to losing what you are receiving. And the thought of losing what you now hold is a scary thought…a very scary thought.

But here I am…open to receiving…open to holding what I just might lose….open to jumping into the fire and quite possibly getting burned. My soul is calling me to this point and I am finally relinquishing to this calling. Who knows what will happen next? Who knows how this will all affect me, if and when it ends? Who knows? I sure as hell don’t know what exactly will come of it all, but I do trust God and trust my soul that I will end up alright on the other end. I will always be more than alright.


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